New City, New Me?

probably not, but I'll give it a try.

Here I finally am, in a big city full of hope and opportunity, feeling lost and lonely. I didn't think it would be this lonely.

I've lived here for almost a month. In this month I started blogging/vlogging, yoga, and have made 1 friend. I stay home almost every night and rarely leave my bed. I guess moving away isn't everything I thought it would be. BUT, I don't want this to be a pity party post.

I always felt like San Francisco was where I would FIND myself. Every time I would come here on vacation I could always picture myself moving here. The people here seem like they have their life together and are happy. Happiness is probably the most important thing. I want to live here and be happy. I want to start working on my career. (even though I don't know what that is) I want to make art, whatever that 'art' may be for me.

fawn: noun 
-a young deer in its first year

Moving to a new city on my own is a lot like being thrown into the world for the first time, ex. a fawn. You don't know anyone, you don't know how things work, you don't have a favorite coffee shop and you can't just call someone to come over and comfort you when you're alone. Okay, not exactly like a fawn, but you know what I mean.

Going out and exploring is scary. Talking to new people is intimidating. I don't know where I'm going most of the time and I don't know how to get there. Then there's the most dreaded question: "What are your plans for today?" I'm constantly being asked this questions by roommates, friends, and parents. I want to be able to tell them I'm exploring and falling in love with my city, but the truth is I'm finding it really hard to adjust.
I know one that I will be able to go on the other side of San Francisco and explore on my own, but I can't right now.
But that's okay. Because I will soon. I'll learn my way around the city. I'll make friends. I'll do everything I've ever wanted to do. Everything takes time.

My first year in San Francisco is going to be a leaning experience. A time for me to figure out who I am and what I want to do. As scared and lonely I am, I am also excited and eager to see what I'll do with my life.